How to Increase Your Desire - Video

Strengthen Your Boundaries

Your mind is like your own country. If your country has holes in its borders, or places where another country can enter without resistance, then any other country can invade your country and plunder it or destroy it. If your country has only strong walls surrounding the whole country, and doesn’t let anything in, then your country will probably become poor, or even cease to exist from lack of physical and psychological trade. A healthy country has a strong customs system that can carefully monitor what comes in and out, just like a healthy cell in your body has a semi-permeable membrane in which good things can enter and bad things can exit. In order for you to become more like a healthy country or a healthy cell in your body, you must make your boundary composed entirely of strong doors, instead of holes or walls.

So how do you create strong, healthy boundaries or a personal boundary composed entirely of strong doors? Here are some techniques:

Say No to, Ignore or Avoid Others Who Are Attempting to Be Destructive

Being destructive means engaging in a behavior in which one party wins and the other party loses. If someone is attempting to be destructive, close the door. Don’t give them access into your boundary until they become constructive. If you have a habit of saying yes to someone when they have a request before you even stop and consider if it is a constructive or destructive request, practice saying no first. This will then give you time to reconsider the request and find out if is constructive or destructive. If you determine that the request is constructive and that there is a balance trade involved, you can then let them know that you have reconsidered.

When you first start saying no to someone who is attempting to be destructive, they may become hostile. This is because you are cutting off their supply of whatever they have been taking from you (your time, your resources, your energy etc.). This hostility will pass as long as you stay strong. They will eventually make the necessary adjustments and even respect you more because of your strength.

Say Yes to Others Who Are Attempting to Be Constructive

Being constructive means engaging in a behavior in which both parties win, meaning that there is a balanced trade involved. If someone is attempting to be constructive, open the door. Open up trade between your boundaries. If you perceive that they are becoming destructive, close the door immediately. If they later decide to be constructive once more, be willing to open up to them again and trade.

Detach Yourself from Them

Being too attached to someone can create a boundary hole. You can solve this problem by detaching yourself from them. Send this as a command to your subconscious. When you feel you are becoming too attached to something or someone just say: “Detach” to yourself, and mentally disengage from them until you regain control over your boundary. You can also work to become more independent, so that you don’t rely on them so much to fulfill certain needs that you have. Co-dependence is always unhealthy, because you rely far too much on the other party to fulfill your needs, as do they with you. Complete independence can also be damaging and leave you alone and malnourished from lack of trade. The best relationship you can develop with another person is interdependence, where you can trade with them freely but you don’t need them for anything.

Observe and Evaluate Your Own Behavior and Be Constructive

Intuition is when you can tell when someone else is being constructive or destructive. Conscience, is when you can tell if YOU are being constructive or destructive. Constantly observe and evaluate your own behavior to see if you are being constructive or destructive with a certain person or in a certain area. If you find that you are being destructive, meaning that you are hurting someone else or taking from them, then you need to immediately change your behavior in order to be constructive, where you both win. If you ever engage in behavior where you lose, and the other person wins, even if it was your idea, that is immature and you will eventually become empty and other people will respect you less. Choose to be win-win (constructive) and engage in fair trade at all times.

Respect when Other People Say No to You if You Are Being Destructive

Whenever someone says no to one of your requests or behaviors, check with your conscience and make sure that you are being constructive rather than destructive. Try to observe yourself objectively, as if you were a third party observing your interactions with the person who said no to you or ignored you. If you are being destructive, you need to first of all; change your behavior to be constructive, and second of all; respect the other person for recognizing your destructiveness. Respect their healthy, strong boundary. When you respect when other people say no to you or ignore you when you are being destructive, you will respect yourself more when you have to make the same decision with someone else.

Let Go of Things You Can’t Control

Trying to control things that you can’t control is suffering and represents a hole in your boundary. Release this problem by making a decision to let go, and stop trying to control things that you can’t. Let them be. You will only drain yourself and lose any well being and confidence you may have accumulated. Focus on the things that you do have control over and be patient as you expand your boundary and bring more things under your control. Being constructive will help you to do this.

Now go out their and create a stronger and healthier boundary and live a better life!

Special thanks to Dr. Paul Dobranski for teaching me about a majority of these techniques in his book Mind OS!

Increase Your Persistence

Persistence is the process of working diligently towards achieving your goal until it is done. It is a tool that will help you to get positive momentum, overcome obstacles, get an edge over others who can't persist, and ultimately get more power and love in your life.

So how do you persist? Well here are some tools to help you out:

Lean into Your Goal

If you try to kick a bowling ball across the floor, it will probably not move much, and your foot will probably not be much fun to move. But if you press the sole of your shoe on the bowling ball and give it a slow but steady nudge, it is going to move, and it’s going to move with much more power. The same is true for achieving your goals. You can’t always accomplish your goal with a single, intense spurt of energy. Often, you simply have to apply pressure and lean into your goal with a steady persistence that builds momentum.

Build a Strong Foundation

Building a strong foundation will help you to persist by giving you more ground to stand on. It’s hard to persist if you aren’t making any progress or if you don’t have other things taken care of in your life. (Hey Maslow, quit playing on that pyramid!)

Create a Burning Need

It will be difficult to persist in something if you don’t have enough desire to do so. Increase your desire by making your goal something you need to do, rather than something you merely desire to do. You can do this in several ways (see my article on creating a burning need) but one of the most effective ways, for me, is to set an outrageously high goal (or life purpose) for myself that really motivates me to persist. Choose a goal that you want so badly that you would easily spend an entire lifetime of pain in order to achieve it. You can also delay gratification and only give yourself things that you want when your goal has been accomplished. (Would you like some will power with that?)

Have Faith

Have faith that you will accomplish your goal. Faith is an emotion that will keep you going through the hard times. (the obstacles and challenges) You can create this emotion by imagining what it will be like if you have already persisted and achieved your goal. Imagine yourself meeting challenges and obstacles with a smile on your face and a determination in your eye. You can easily handle anything because you are determined to achieve your goal and really have a burning need. You can also say things to yourself like: “I am persistent” and “I will persist,” which will also influence your self image to help you in all areas of your life.

Start Gradually

Just like when driving a car (or pushing a bowling ball with your foot), you can save energy by accelerating gradually, as opposed to putting the pedal to the metal or doing a “jackrabbit” start. The least amount of energy is expended when you start gradually. Starting gradually is also a great way to help you persist because there are often many things that need to be shifted and moved around in your life before you can actually get up to the speed you would like to get to. An example of this is when you are starting college or a new class in high school. It takes time for you to get to know the teacher, how they teach and how they grade your work before you can really get into the flow of the class and be excellent in it. It is also much easier to keep going with the class (persisting) once you have “adjusted”. The opposite is also true. If you try to put the petal to the metal, and take way to many classes or choose the most difficult classes right when you start, then you will be much more likely to quit.

Now go out there, know what you want and persist towards it's achievement and you will be unstoppable!